jumpingjacktrash:

writing-prompt-s:

Aliens have captured you, and placed you in one of their nature preserves. However, they have sorely miscalculated on two issues: The amount of calories needed to keep a persistence predator sated, and the lethality/brutality of a hangry human.

first alien scientist in hover car: i don’t understand, all these creatures thrived together in the original environment, why is it eating them to extinction here?

second alien scientist: maybe we should add more crayfish? it ate the whole population in one sitting, that was kind of a surprise.

me, without looking up from scraping a caribou hide: i can hear you, assholes.

alien scientists: (staring)

me: yeah, i learned your language. you keep sitting there talking about me like i can’t hear you, that’s gonna happen.

first scientist: fascinating. we knew you were arguably sentient, but… (making notes)

second scientist: why are you eating everything? your food requirement in your home environment was less than half this.

me: i didn’t have to catch it myself, you idiots! you yoinked me out of the middle of a camping trip! i bought all that food at a store! i bought my CLOTHES at a store. i bought my BEDDING at a store. I DID NOT HAVE TO KILL MY OWN TENT.

me, finally looking up, shaking a flint knife at them: what the hell kind of scientists could go to earth and not notice the dominant species lives in cities? did you just swoop by in a hurry and grab everything out of the park without looking?

scientists: (silence)

me: … oh my god.

scientists: we’re grad students.

syn-the-guardian:

socialjusticeace:

madamezuki:

gottalovecatss:

madamezuki:

madamezuki:

madamezuki:

Ya’ll be like “Shang was having a bi freak out, realizing he was into Ping”. NO HE WASN’T. He already knew he was into men. His bisexual freak out was when he realized Ping was Mulan and hey maybe he’s into girls too whatdoya know?

Legit you think a bi man who has always been in such a male-dominated space like the army hadn’t already figured out that he liked men? Come oooonnnn… It’s women he has rarely had contact with and has no idea how to talk to or flirt with (you fight good) I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL.

In “A Girl Worth Fighting For” Shang has zero lines I REST MY FUCKING CASE.

Originally posted by digitalmeth

I am Looking at these tags my guy

[ID: Screenshot of tags that read:

ppl don’t like to imagine bi ppl coming to terms with being bi after identifying as gay bc they think that’s a downgrade lol. That’s why there’s like 100000 stories about cishets realizing they were bi and like 2 of gay ppl realizing they were bi.

:END ID]

beingcuteismything:

hunterbiden:

I’m sorry I simply could not reblog this without your tags.

darkhoeacademia:

Sir please thats my emotional support stack of books that i havent read

heyhosers:

ivanaskye:

enjolrasapproves:

ioannemos:

under-the-arch:

that-catholic-shinobi:

bagginshield:

we make fun of thorin getting lost in the shire but you know the nazgul also had to keep asking for directions to find bag end so maybe hobbits’ city planning is just wack

The Hobbits have spent generations making their roads complex af to keep Gandalf out

Theory accepted 

#which is why they’re always so sulky whenever he shows up………….#oh………….you found ur way back………………how nice…………….. (via @thisbrilliantsky)

Which is also why Gandalf is always late

but of course this is the absolute Least successful way to keep GANDALF of all people out, because-

1. it’s a challenge
2. that WON’T potentially kill him

which is really in short supply lately.

so while the hobbits think they are being hostile. what they are actually saying in Gandalf-speak is “please come back. we love you.”

Gandalf needs environmental enrichment

disregardcanon:

owochimuwu:

I’ve done nothing wrong. Except for all the atrocities. Besides that I’m innocent

katy-l-wood:

suriel:

anexperimentallife:

this reply in the comments tho

This did not go where I expected from the first tweet and now I am laughing so hard I am crying.